All this masculine energy confirming the power in my pure, feminine energy feeling very Badu not blue geez louise Where did you come from? Where are you going? The bar has been raised since your last visit have you grown any can you reach it? I'll give you a try if you don't pass I'll be saying bye bye ~ For Your Ears:
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written 03.30.2018 To the Sun: In my quiet time all I think about is him really Ain't it silly? Feelings like this usually make me anxious but it's different there's no way I can say this poetically I'm feeling this boy heavy In my darkest moments When I'm curled up in myself I call out to him He feeds me Love until I believe Until I can see my Queendom. I can see his Kingdom Even though I think he doesn't believe it's there This ain't a game Yeah I'm tryna be pressed up against him But it's more I've got a Queendom and damn I want to share it with him. Build us a nice little tribe someone to take our place when we're gone but not too soon. "Live to 30" I said, Now I'm rethinking my words "Live forever" no "Join me in the eternal" He'd be mad if he knew I'm writing this while I'm driving but when the words run through my mind I can't stop the train I can only jump on and see where it takes me. ~ For Your Ears:Coping Mechanisms Bad Habits Safe Words Hiding Places Day Dreaming is one of my oldest friends I've played with her since I was a child running away with her when the anxiety got too high the conversation got too loud when the public isolation set in awkward exchanges stretched too long it didn't matter much because she was there. Conjuring up magical mirages of love affairs with boys who never wanted me scenes of adventures taken alone on some Eat, Pray, Love shit, of hopes fullfiled anything, anywhere to be but where I was. Eyes glazed over foot twtiching lips bitten raw. All the signs that my mind was with Her. Since life had beaten me black and blue the visions are not always cheery Morbid delusions of death of violence. Tears come streaking down my face Eyes blinking awake in confusion Why did she take me there? to my grandmother's death to another's blood on my hands I realize now in the moments of survivalistic numbing my mind goes to an emotional spectrum and chooses one extreme or the other Happiness Love Anger Wrath Mourning Heartache. Days when my heart has checked out My Mind takes over to fill the gap Finding Balance still, Find Balance in being still. ~ For Your Ears:I believed that by publishing a book about my hard times and self loathing that those things would magically go away or at least be easier. They are, barely, largely in part to the massive, overwhelming amount of support I am now receiving constantly. I am thankful. I am anxious. Where do I go next? What do I do next? Trusting God and myself and the Flow. I understand that everything EVERYTHING is for a reason and in due season it will all be crystal clear, until then I'll keep going to therapy keeping hugging my loves and get a dog ~ For Your Ears: |
J. SeymoneThis is the place for the public consumption of my poems, album reviews, and general thoughts. Archives
April 2019
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